Preface - I'm not mad anymore

"Hey Cindi, when are you going to finish that book you've been talking about for the last forty years?"

My family and friends ask me that a lot.

I have already written more than half of the stories, so why not just put them out there? What am I afraid of?

Here's the short list:

I'm chicken. Plus:

I'm busy teaching, gardening, sewing, singing, camping, playing with Gordon, or just living my best life, and,

I'm chicken.

I've spent almost forty years writing and revising stories about my adventures and milestones. At first, I planned to organize all my journals, photos, and writings and share them monthly, like the good-news-only "What's Happening?" magazine I created in my leaky basement in 1990. But this was just for my family and friends, not the public.

Over the years, however, I've received a few offers from writers to collaborate on a book with me. Eventually, though, I decided to write my own book, in my own words, when I felt confident enough in my writing skills to do so.

I figured the best way to learn how to write a book is to read as many books in the same genre as possible, buy books on how to write a book, and attend some writing seminars. I also had the good fortune to teach an advanced writing course at Towson University. All of this has been so beneficial, and now, I think I'm ready to do this.

I've had an excellent name for this tome for many years: "I'm not madd anymore". Candy proposed this title decades ago when I first mentioned to her that I was thinking about writing a book.

But Bill and a few other friends pointed out that title might suggest I'm angry at MADD, and that this book is only about Laura, MADD, and forgiveness. They were right—I'm not mad at MADD, and my stories cover much more than that.

So, to get to it, what am I afraid of?

I'll tell you what I'm afraid of: I'm afraid of my own truth. These stories are true, and other than changing the names of some people so that I don't get sued, these stories include:

• Running away for a week with a 15-year-old boy when I was 11.
• What my Dad did about it.
• Ray Manns' courage to marry a woman with a quadriplegic child, helicopters landing in the yard, and a team of nurses living with us around the clock
• My showtime shenanigans performing in Baltimore musical dinner theater while attending Towson University.
• My six-minute, life-after-life excursion during the crash.
• Too many "boyfriends" between my first and second marriages.
• A problem with vodka and coke after Laura died.
• My church shopping quest to find a God and a religion to fit my needs and my beliefs.
• Marrying Ray's best friend, Gordon Wiley, just six months after Ray died.
• Meeting with the drunk driver who crashed into Laura and me to tell him-

That's enough for now. 

The big reason for my chickenry is that sharing my truth may disappoint people or change how they see me. But I can't avoid telling the truth in these stories.

I wish I could say, "I don't care what other people think of me."  I do care, but probably not enough to do anything about it.

"Cindi, how do you keep going after everything that's happened to you? How do you stay so cheerful all the time?" some folks ask.

"I shoot vodka in the morning, blow blunts in the afternoon, and hoop-de-do with Gordon every night!"

Everyone laughs! But there's some truth in that bawdy response (except I don't drink early in the morning or smoke pot anymore - HA!)

Some folks may expect me to declare, "It's the glory of the Lord, Hallelujah!!"

There's truth in that, too! I do love me some Holy Spirit for sure! Of the Big Three, the Holy Spirit is my favorite because it's so tangible, so apparent to me everywhere I look.

But here's the bottom line:

First and foremost, a solid 50% of my attitude is due to genetics (and there's plenty of research to back up the genetic transfer of disposition and personality traits to progeny). My Mom and dad were two of the most upbeat, enthusiastic, and loving people I have ever known, especially my Mom, Millee Bush. Even now, I only aspire to be as kind and compassionate as my Mom was.

My Dad, Harold "Popcorn" Bush, had tenacious, rock-hard cojones. It is beyond fortuitous that I inherited half of his genetically fierce and stubborn DNA, and it was also incredibly necessary. My parents poured the concrete platform of guts and love that I still stand on today. So move over, Sydney Sweeney, and make room for MY genes! HA!

Also, I tell you this: some of the worst things that could ever happen to you can ultimately turn out to be some of the best things that have ever happened to you.

This is a challenging idea to consider, especially if you are right in the middle of a pile of crap. 

When things really suck, I tell myself, "Well, if you got through what happened when you were 12, or 24, or 31, or 54, or…, you can get through this."

The logic of this just works for me somehow.

Finally, I make a conscious and conscientious choice to overcome! In my mind, I'm in a boxing ring, and it's me against Satan. I have a choice to make: let satan pull me down, smother and bury me with my own snot and tears, and let people see me blubbering and weak?

Or am I going to kick his ASS?

I'm going to kick his ASS! 

So "BEAT IT, SATAN!"

Matthew 4:10.

This is my favorite quote from The Message Bible by Eugene Peterson. This Bible is great because it’s written like we talk. It paraphrases biblical texts into everyday English. It’s easy to understand! You ought to get it.

AND NOW:

I live in a big red barn in the middle of a big green field in Conowingo, Maryland! And it's GREAT!

I'm still teaching! This is my 41st year as a teacher and my 35th year as a health science educator, specializing in teaching compassionate human sexuality courses at Towson University in Baltimore, Maryland, and nutrition and online fitness courses at Harford Community College.

I am thrilled and fortunate to have been married to Gordon Wiley for almost 16 years! We have a camper, two dogs, Lucas and Dottee, five children, and four grandchildren between us, and we love to make each other laugh and cut up. I've never met a man with such a tender and loving heart.

I was diagnosed with severe rheumatoid disease ten years ago, which has been a daily battle. I've had both knees replaced and just completed my third very successful back surgery by neurosurgeon, Dr. Pawan Rastogi. I take loads of drugs to stabilize the tissue destruction, and I am grateful as hell for every single pharmacist, doctor, and health care provider who all take such good care of me, because I am still vertical. 

And if you are affected by one of the over 80 autoimmune diseases, I feel for you. I truly do.

I hope you can find time to read or listen to these stories, and I hope you find them enlightening, uplifting, and entertaining.

I'm so grateful you are here,

Love, Cindi

PS: Sometimes I veer off on tangents and speak more freely in my recordings than in the written stories. Sometimes it just the opposite. I hope that’s not a problem.