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Before head rubble overwhelms you, a Warmline provides free, confidential phone or text calls to help you before reaching a breaking point.

At first, writing stories every two weeks about growing up in Celoron, New York was a lot of fun, mostly. 

But now, recalling and writing the heart-racking stories from my past forces me to relive the pain that I worked tirelessly to ignore by keeping myself unbelievably busy all these years. I’m also reminded of how I self-medicated for decades to drown out my anguish and suffocate my toxic hatred for the drunk driver that did this to my Laura, to my family. The more I hated, the more I self-medicated, and the more I was suffocating myself. 

But before you freak out thinking I'm over the edge, don’t get your pants in a knot; it’s been 26 years since I quit the hate business. More on that later.

Still, I can’t shake the heaviness of this.  A few days ago, I wished I had someone to talk to, not like a therapist, just someone I don’t know and could word vomit out what I’m feeling, and be done with it.

Out of frustration, (and kind of joking) I composed this AI prompt: “Who can I call just to bitch about what’s bugging me?”  

Guess what? Good ol’ AI came through, not with a Crisis Hotline number, but with a “Warmline” that fulfilled my request!

That’s right, a Warmline! This is a totally free, extremely confidential, always anonymous peer-run service provided by Mental Health America (MHA) that focuses on everyday emotional support, whether it’s stress, loneliness, sadness, or just “talking through a difficult day before it escalates into a crisis.”[1, 2]

When you call a Warmline, you will talk to a trained peer who has had their own emotional or mental health struggles and understands what it’s like to get help. I was reticent to call, but I’m so glad I did.  

I spoke with a lovely young lady who just let me blab on and blubber a bit for thirty minutes about how I’m feeling and how I didn’t want to cry because I was having a good Maybelline day. And guess what else? After I got it all out, I felt better! Seriously!  She was sweet and kind and didn’t interrupt or try to diagnose me. She was a fantastic  listener!

Two things I liked about the Warmline: 

First, I have two best friends, my husband and Jeannie, and another very close person too. Although they are ALWAYS available and supportive, I didn’t want to load them up with my despair, again. Plus, people close to you often feel a need to suggest a solution or have a plan to get you out of your funk. Sometimes, I don’t want a solution, I don’t need to be “fixed”, I just want to be heard. 

Second, the people answering the phones (you can just text and Zoom too if you don’t want to talk on the phone) have all had their own mental health challenges, from PTSD, ADHD, OCD, to addiction, depression, trauma, nonbinary/LGBTQ+ issues, BIPOC challenges, and anxiety. They are our peers, and have been trained to listen and provide additional resources, should you request them.  

The Warmline is just one of many resources available through Mental Health America (MHA), the nation’s leading nonprofit dedicated to promoting the mental health and well-being for all people living in the U.S.  The Mental Health America (MHA) website also provides a large collection of articles and free, confidential, and scientifically validated mental health screening tools. 

NOTE: these are not diagnostic instruments, but you are encouraged to share the results with your doctor, if you desire.

I get asked this question a lot, and you probably do too:

“How did you get through all that muck? How do you keep such a good attitude?”

Here’s what I know works for me (besides cold beer and expensive vodka):

• The further I move away from past tragedies by focusing on what I have instead of what I don’t, the better I am. And by intentionally staying busy with stuff I love to do, like teaching, writing, sewing, gardening, and camping. And partying! 

• Doing nice stuff for and with other people is a good drug replacement for me, especially for people that don’t like me because it pisses them off.  And I rather enjoy that. 

• Sometimes being bummed is unavoidable, so when I’m feeling down and funky, I recognize it, accept it, and then do something enjoyable to intentionally unfunk myself.  I take a nap or a rest. Sometimes I go to the VFW in Port Deposit and chat it up with the kind folks there, or blast Aerosmith or Bruno Mars or James Brown throughout the barn and dance like crazy! And maybe just scream a little.

I just bought a bunch of new undypants and socks. That helped a lot! From experience though, I know funk is fleeting, but if I’m intentionally trying to get out of it, my crank dissipates more quickly.

So quit being a martyr and go unfunk yourself! 

AND IN OTHER NEWS:

I can’t produce a well-written story every two weeks as promised. I’m still teaching two to three courses every semester at Towson University and Harford Community College, and honestly, like I said, reviewing my journals and writings from the past 50 years and then creating the narrative story is overwhelming me, no matter how Pollyanna-ish I try to be.  

I won’t have it.  The older I get, the more valuable every minute is to me, and I refuse to spend those minutes being sad when I don’t have a whole lot of minutes to spare. So here’s the deal:

I will continue to write these stories, no matter what, because it’s important to me.  Not because I want to leave a legacy, whatever that means, and not because I want people to remember Laura. Laura is unforgettable all by herself, and doesn’t need my help.

My driving force is to relay two out-of-this-world experiences I had. One is the experience during the crash that I wrote about in Story 8, “Gone”, and the other was in 2002. 

The other reason I will continue writing these stories is because I want you to know: 

“NSF: Nothing Sucks Forever” 

Sometimes you can successfully do something to plow away your head rubble, and sometimes something wonderful seems to fall out of the sky and cocoon you, and you rally, once again. 

Just you wait.

I’m so grateful for your time,

Love, Cindi

PS: When I am satisfied with a story, no matter how long it takes, I will let you know via email, if that’s OK with you. I will also announce it on FB, IG, Substack, Youtube, wherever you get your podcasts, and on cindilamb.com